Why do I get agitated by things outside of my control?

Answer by Mark Myers:

There are several disclosures that you have made that indicate agitation is not the only issue. Insecurity and unhappiness appear to be issues as well. My guess is that this is something that did not suddenly appear. It most likely was a work in progress. Family history, life experiences, relationships, and your physiological make up all got you to wear you are now. Habits, beliefs, and attitudes have probably been developing for awhile.

The positive part to all this is that you recognize this at this stage in your life. The challenge is to begin correcting and changing what got you to this point. The first thing to work on is your initial thoughts that pop up in situations. these are referred to as Cognitive Distortions or Thinking Errors. It seems that you recognize the thoughts that pop up at times are irrational. Thoughts could be challenged and changed. Consider keeping a journal and writing down how you think about situations that come up. This will create more awareness and help you identify and modify Thinking Errors.

People who are unhappy tend to isolate themselves. I would encourage you push yourself to go out more. Even though your tendency may be to stay away from people, allow yourself more social interactions. If time allows, consider volunteering.If you are not exercising, consider doing that.

Understand that it may take awhile for these patterns to change. If you make an effort and do not feel like you are getting anywhere, consider professional help. The professional could help guide and support in making these changes.

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Results versus Process

Individuals making important decisions in life at times could find themselves immobilized but focusing too much on end results. While possible outcomes are helpful to look at when making a big decision, we need to remember there are many intangibles involved that impact on the actual results.

An example of this would be a wife of an alcoholic decides to divorce her husband after many unsuccessful years of trying to get him to stop drinking. After the divorce he could choose to remarry and stop drinking. This does not mean she made the wrong decision. At the time she choose to take an action based on information she had at her disposal, such as, years he was drinking, repeated requests to stop, financial and emotional resources that were effected by his drinking, and where she was at emotionally.

If we look back or evaluate the process involved in making a decision we are choosing NOT to making ourselves responsible for other peoples actions. We cannot control outcomes but can control ourselves. The effort and thought in making a decision is more important than the results.