As parents of teens, understanding their choices becomes a work in progress. Shaping the behaviors we want them to demonstrate by utilizing incentives and consequences takes time and patience. The answer parents are searching for...”What were you thinking?” may not be something the adolescent could answer him or herself. When addressing decision making with adolescents, we need to take into consideration inherent challenges a teen faces in making ‘good choices’.
First, we need to look at the differences in adult and adolescent brains. An adolescent’s brain is different than an adult’s brain. It is less mature in some crucial areas and overdeveloped in others. In the teenage brain is the amount of synapses a teenager has compared to an adult. Synapses are pathways in our brains that pass messages from one part to another. What scientists have found is that teenagers experience a wealth of growth in synapses during adolescence. This is not necessarily a good thing. More wires means less efficiency. As we get older, we utilize our pathways more effectively. This is called pruning. Picture the teenage brain like a mass of wires in an inefficient entertainment center. Most of the wires are not necessary.
The pruning process starts from the back of the brain and moves forward. The part of the brain called the prefrontal cortex, is the last to be trimmed. This part of the brain weighs outcomes, forms judgments, and controls impulses, as well as, emotions. This section of the brain also helps people understand one another. It does not fully develop until the mid 20’s.
The amygdala is a part of the brain that scans for danger and sends this information to other parts of the brain. Activation occurs when there is a real or perceived threat. In adolescence, the amygdala reacts more intensely to stressful situations than adults. Studies indicate that teens also misread emotions more than adults.
Lastly, an area of the teenager's brain that is fairly well-developed early on is the nucleus accumbens, or the area of the brain that seeks pleasure and reward. This explains why teens, for the most part, are more pleasure seeking than adults.
In summary, it is important to realize that there are differences in the physical makeup between adult and adolescent brains. Adolescents may be asked to act like adults, but they they do not have the same type brains as adults. The brains of adolescents are still developing, and they continue to do so into their early to mid-twenties. The brain circuitry is not the only challenge in figuring out teenage decision making.
No matter what your age, you are in what is referred to as a Life Stage. We have certain emotional tasks at each Life Stage that we need to master to move on to the next emotional stage in life. On their way to adulthood, teens must work through certain developmental challenges specific to their age group. Emotionally, they are preparing and practicing to be adults. They are working toward independence. In thinking and planning for the future, this is where they begin to separate themselves from adults.
For some teens, this process creates challenges and additional stress. Included are additional developmental tasks adolescents face that could influence decision making: peer relations take on new meaning (more emphasis), interest in opposite sex/awareness, separation from parents, search for identity (parents opinions become less influential), and development of a moral compass. These are all life transitions that create stress and affect decision making.
The decision making process that a teen goes through is certainly influenced by all these factors. Genetic makeup, home and school environment also influence making good decisions. Parents have a tough role. Supporting their children to grow into adults and asserting (including accepting they will experience some bumps along the way), as well as, protecting them from serious consequences. As a parent, it is difficult to see your child make mistakes that you, as an adult, would have advised them against.
Included are some guidelines to help you establish your role in this process.
* Even though we want our children to make good choices and think through the consequences of their actions, remember this is a long-term process
* Recognize when to step in and make decisions for your child and when to step back and allow them to learn from an experience
* Understand teens have a different value system than adults. Trying to get them to buy into a value at this age might not be as productive as putting your efforts into getting them to comply with a behavior
* Try not to be judgemental about their decisions. If they make a bad choice, it is more helpful for them to see it and recognize what they could have done differently. Create a dialogue with them to help them grow from this.
Practice is the most reliable predictor of whether humans develop necessary cognitive skills. Our brains are wonderfully able to learn and create pathways that allow us to adopt new ways of thinking, feeling, and behaving which is the best reason to reinforce with your teen the choices you want them to make. Rehearsal is essential to creating the neural pathways that support problem-solving and decision making. And while we still may wonder....”What were you thinking?” our responses can be formed through understanding and conviction that new skills take time and patience.
Janet Myers
