Ways Couples Can Connect

This blog post is a compilation of different sources. All opinions are not suggstions of Myers Counseling Group. The sources are at the end of each paragraph. Via--click to view more on that subject. 
 
Ten Ways Couples can Reconnect

MSNBC recently explored the idea of how boredom affects divorce and while the idea that ennui can lead to Splitsville is scary, the solution is surprisingly easy. “Shared challenges and exciting diversions are what make relationships hot long after the wedding gown has been packed up and stored away,” the article states. “Boredom and a dull, daily routine can kill a marriage, squashing intimacy and romance.” Via Divine Caroline.

Here are Ten Ways Couples can Reconnect:

1. Make a date night  "Married couples should never stop courting," says  Lou Paget, a sex educator and the author of Hot Mamas (Doubleday Canada). Pick a time and consider it a treat -- not one more thing on your to-do list. Think it's a downer to plan for sex? News flash: You basically always did. "A lot of what seemed like spontaneous sex, really wasn't. You had it on dates, weekends, vacation -- times you knew it would happen," she explains. "Planned sex can still be hot sex." Via The New Homemaker

2. Take time each day to connect emotionally. Have a time each day where you and your spouse sit down together and have a short conversation without the children present. Let the children know that Mom and Dad need ten minutes alone and make sure that they have something that can keep them occupied and safe during this time. This allows you to connect daily but it also models to your children the importance of your relationship together as a couple. They will reap the benefits of this modeling when they have their own relationships. Via ERYNFAYE 

3. Find out what makes your spouse feel loved. As spouse who feels loved is much more likely to want to jump into bed. Do they need a back massage? A heart-to-heart talk? An afternoon away from the kids? A compliment on how good they look? A love note tucked into the laptop? How about the having the toilets scrubbed? Find out what sets the stage for romance for your lover and then do it unbidden. Via ERYNFAYE

4. Take up a Hobby. There are a multitude of hobbies available to couples these days.  No longer are you required to sit at home with nothing to do, instead the whole world has been opened up to you as a giant adventure in life.  Take your partner by the hand and embrace the adventure, let it soar through your bodies, bringing you ever closer together. Here is a list of over 60 hobbies you and your spouse or your partner can try.Via Hobbies for Couples.

5. Take a vacation or the honeymoon you never had. There are hundreds of different packages that couple can choose at a low cost. Find an all inclusive vacation. Research to find deals. Here are a few resources:

bookit.com

Beach Finder: cheapcaribbean.com

Expedia.com

6. Enroll in a Marriage Class.The first year without kids can be one of the most stressful times in a couple's relationship. A marriage class or seminar can get you through that difficult time by helping you to put each other first, accept your spouse for who they are, and learn to see each other as partners again. Via TwoOfUs.org

7. Do something romantic.

Building Happy and Healthy Marital Relationships

There are many special rewards to being in

a rewarding relationship. Studies indicate

the individuals live longer and are more

happy in fulfilling relationships. Having the

friendship, support, and understanding of a

significant other is very important for most

people. Building a good life together is a

continuous and sometimes challenging

process. Couple dissolution could impact on

physical health, mental health, on children,

work, and school. This post covers areas that research has identified as problem signs in a

relationship and steps couples can take to

repair relationships.

Signs of a relationship in trouble

Most relationships face some challenges at different times. When negative interactions are more prevalent than positive ones (research indicates a 5 to 1 positive to negative ratio is important to have), this usually indicates a problem relationship. One problem area relationships experience is criticism. This is where one person attacks the character of the other, usually

with blame. Couples make “you” statements. For example, instead of a specific statement, they make global statement (ie. you always....) Or instead of a statement specific to the situation, they make personal attacks (ie: you did this...).

Defensiveness or making excuses is another problem area. Examples would include, assuming the worst, disagreeing with negative mind reading, cross complaining, and denying responsibility.

Contempt or name calling. Making crude, subtle or hostile jokes, or mockery. Body language also plays a factor as does tone of voice. The goal tends to be elevating oneself at the expense of one’s partner.

Withdrawing or Stonewalling is when one listener withdraws from interaction(ie: one spouse leaves, looking away from talker). Men usually stonewall more then woman. 

Children and Relationships

Having children is often a wonderful and rewarding experience. However, romantic ideals are more difficult to hold onto when children are introduced. Finding a consistent parenting approach and time demands are challenges couples face.Communication skills are also put to the test in these situations.

Differences Between How Men and Women Interact

Men and women usually have different approaches to communications. Men have a tendency to withdraw more when in conflictual situations or when they feel rejected or hurt. Women tend to pursue discussions more in these situations. In the face of perceived danger men are

more likely to have trouble going back to a relaxed state then women.

Fair Fighting

Even the most compatible couples tend to have disagreements. It is not if you disagree or fight but how you do it. Name calling, bringing up past hurts and unresolved issues, physical and verbal intimidation, poor listening, discounting significant other, sarcasm, and trying to

mind read (assuming you know what your partner is saying without clarifying it) are all indications of a couple who does not fight fairly.

Effective Communication\Fighting

All the above problem indicators may happen in some degree in all relationships. We must realize that not all problems have solutions. It is not if we fight but how we fight. 

1. If we disagree, it is important to still feel respected and listened to.

2. Enjoying verbal intimacy... feeling listened to.

3. Using I statements instead of you.

4. Listening without giving advice. These are all important components of good communication. When we are withdrawn we become poor receivers of nonverbal cues that may help us come to

agreements. At this point any type of communication is ineffective.

Quality Time Together

Spending quality time together is helpful. Quality time together must be a priority for the relationship to be satisfying. Developing routines and rituals together and focusing attention on each other are important to marriages.

Compromise

Couples should realize not all problems have solutions. Even the most compatible couples can not agree on all things at all times. When we disagree it is not what you say but how you say it. Your partner should feel listened to and respected.

Relationship Building

Relationships could be compared to bank accounts. If we keep making withdrawals, the account will run out. Don’t dwell on conflicts and pick your spots for disagreements. Deposits, such as humor, appreciation, consideration, fun, and affection, are what keeps relationships going.

* Keeping things in perspective. How important is the issue you are disagreeing over.

* Listen to what your partner is trying to say. One task you can try in an argument is switch sides. * Argue from your partner’s point of view. This will test your listening skills.

* Negativity encourages negativity, being positive is contagious. Nurture fondness and  admiration, let your partner influence you, create shared meaning and show your appreciation for your spouse. In happy marriages negativity is generally seen as fleeting and situational. In

unhappy marriages it is viewed as stable. By focusing on repairing problems or conflicts, being supportive of each other, and expressing appreciation to each other you find the keys to happy relationships.