Unavoidably, we are faced with major obstacles in life. These obstacles could take the form of relationships, employment or other areas. Decisions need to be made regarding what course of action needs to be taken. We invest a great deal of time and energy trying to make these situations work. The end result that we desire may not be realistic or achievable. The investment in time and energy in cases such as this, could be better used deciding where to invest your energy... change, adjust or leave. Realizing there is more than one option is helpful for most people who feel stuck.
Change: The situation in which you currently find yourself is uncomfortable and you desire to change it. There is some ability to change or alter the situation. The party(s) involved are willing to negotiate or compromise on the matter at hand. This does not necessarily mean a 50/50 compromise, but enough negotiation to make things more comfortable. Situations that fall under this would include: a spouse that would be willing to cut back on drinking, a supervisor changing certain policies you find uncomfortable, or family member changing or modifying an undesirable behavior. The time and energy you spend is invested towards changing the situation and the other person(s) involved is willing to compromise to some degree.
Adjust: The situation in which you currently find yourself in could not be modified. The individual or situation is not able or willing to change. You accept the limitations of the situation and choose to direct your energy and time into adjusting to an uncomfortable and unchangeable situation. The adjustment comes in knowing you can't change the situation and accept your limitations. This is also means that for whatever reasons you are choosing not to leave. These reasons could be based on financial, emotional, or something else. This does not mean you condone what is going on but just accept you can't change it nor are ready to leave. Situations that would fall under this include: a spouse who most likely will not stop drinking, an inflexible supervisor, or a family member unwilling to change offensive behavior. By choosing to focus on this area, you have decided that you can endure the situation and this does not compromise your values to a great degree.
Leave: The situation in which you currently find yourself in is unacceptable. By staying in the situation, you realize it will too uncomfortable or unhealthy. The energy you expend is best directed toward leaving. Change is not possible and adjusting is not in your best interests. Examples include: a significant other that is physically abusive or a job that has no future.
