10 Tips to Manage Holiday Stress

10 Tips to Manage Holiday Stress.

1. Remember....you are not alone. Ask others to help out.
2. Don't put off until last moment. That only creates more stress and adds more to the holiday frenzy. Plan ahead.
3. Shop online. Saves time and energy.
4. Remember, it's the thought that counts. Don't place extreme demands for the perfect gift.
5. Keep alcohol consumption in moderation.
6. Reach out to others. For some people, holidays could feel isolating and lonely. Volunteering can help you feel better by helping others, feel more connected to people, and expand your network and resources.
7. Stick to a budget. A maxed out credit card certainly can add to the stress.
8. Be realistic with your expectations. If other family members have other obligations and cannot be with you during the holiday, find other ways to connect. This could include Skype, group phone call, e mails, photos and video's.
9. Set limits. Learn to say no.
10. Do not give in to the belief it is okay to let go because it is the holiday. Unhealthy lifestyles make you feel unhealthy. Also creates feelings of guilt and sometimes anger.

It is important to keep in mind the holidays are supposed to be a time of celebration and joy. Try to enjoy the time, appreciate what you have, think positive, stay in control of your situation and offer yourself a break.

What are the signs of Depression?

A person may be depressed for a variety of different reasons including: a life event (death of loved one, divorce), substance abuse, a situation in life (being in an unhappy marriage), a feeling of depression without any noticeable starting point, a medical condition or any combination of the above.

The symptoms of depression include any of the following symptoms: feeling sad for most of day, decrease in pleasurable pursuits, weight gain/weight loss, fatigue, feeling guilty or worthless, isolating, sleep difficulties, difficulties concentrating, and recurrent thoughts of death. Any single one of these symptoms could bring a person to see their doctor or.

Diagnosing depression may not seem as easy as one would think. A person may be depressed but not necessarily identify their symptoms as being the cause. Some one may see a doctor for sleep difficulties, but upon further questioning might have other symptoms of depression. A thorough exam should uncover other symptoms that would lead to a diagnosis of depression. If any of the aforementioned symptoms persist for a while or impact your life, you should seek out help. If you are seeking out help from your doctor, it is important for both patient and doctor to discuss other symptoms or events that are occurring in a person's life as opposed to just looking at the initial symptoms.

Going against the current

Most People generally do not like change, even if the change would benefit them. When individuals are feeling depressed, they behave depressed.  By giving into the depression and allowing behaviors to continue, symptoms will increase.  Think of an undercurrent, going with the current would be easier. Going with the current will take you further out to sea……………………………………

Goings against the current will be harder......

 But will get you to solid ground……………………..

Mark Myers Expert Answer to: How Can I Manage My Anger

When anger is mismanaged, the problems it can create could vary. Often physical problems such as ulcers, high blood pressure, and gastro problems could occur. Other problems such as social and relationship problems, occupational problems, and law problems could also present themselves.
When trying to figure out destructive anger, it is important to realize that anger could serve many functions for us. Examples include: getting our way through anger episodes, feeling superior to others, feeling powerful, expressing thoughts (especially hurt), discharging excessive energy, remaining a victim (not taking action but focusing on what is making you angry), and increasing production and motivation. In order to change the way you deal with your anger, you need to be willing or motivated to change. This would involve giving up the advantages you experience when angry.

Managing your anger involves rethinking the way you look at problems, creating more awareness to patterns to your anger, utilizing relaxation techniques, and making lifestyle changes.
We cannot escape from anger. This is a natural human emotion. However we are able to control anger. If you have continual problems in managing your anger, discuss this with a therapist.

Is it possible for Autism to go unrecognized?

Usually, a diagnosis of autism is made when someone is a child, around age three or four years of age. Symptoms of this diagnosis become more obvious as a child struggles to meet the demands of his or her world. Social, language, and behavioral problems or deficits begin to stand out.

Often times a child may be given a diagnosis other than Autism yet still be Autistic. If the symptoms the child is experiencing are intense, the diagnosis of Autism may be overlooked as attention is given to the more overt symptoms.

An example would be a child who has Asperger (one of the five diagnosis that fall under Autism) may be missing social cues that could be interpreted as defiant. This could lead to a diagnosis of Oppositional Defiant Disorder and therapy could go in a completely different direction.

Also, with Asperger, some of the challenges a child experiences may fall under the radar and not be quite as noticeable. Something may be going on in that person's life as a teenager that were not apparent earlier for him or her. This may make a diagnosis of Autism more clear. Autistic symptoms may stand out more, for example, if a child is put in a more challenging environment. As well, if a person has figured out ways to cope with some of the symptoms of Autism, it is possible they could go through life without being diagnosed.

What are the best ways to temporarily ease anxiety?

Answer by Mark Myers:

There are several different components at work when it comes to anxiety. These would include thoughts, behaviors, physiology, and/or environment. Most of the time we can utilize tools to address all the above. Recognize patterns to your anxiety (environment). Certain surroundings may create more anxiety. Preparing for these situations (not worrying about them) will give you a better opportunity to lessen the anxiety.
Another area to look into is your own internal dialogue (thoughts). Recognize how your own thought process may contribute to your angst. Journaling, writing down your thoughts, will help recognize these thoughts. Some people are just wired (physiology) to be anxious. For these individuals, slowing down their physical responses by breathing exercises or progressive relaxation could greatly help. Practicing this techniques is going to be important and will give you more confidence in addressing anxiety.
Anxiety is a emotion that tells us something is wrong. It signals us from messages our brains are interpreting that something is amiss. If we give in to the anxiety (behavior) and avoid the situation that is making us anxious, we are reinforcing the anxiety experience. Working through your anxiety utilizing some of these suggestions, will give you a better chance at mastering your anxiety.
Lastly, I would suggest looking at your lifestyle. Diet, exercise, and poor sleep habits could be contributing factors.  If the anxiety persists and is uncomfortable enough, I would suggest seeking out  professional advise.
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Mark Myers Expert Answer to: How do I set my goals?

The thing is, I'm trying to set my goals, for me to have a long term mirage or finish line and I'm having an hard time, because I don't have an clear image of what I want in a 10 years time. I know what I want for the next months, a year max., but 10 years?

The creation of wealth is my top priority, I have Ideas, but putting them in a timeline, is looking much more difficult than I expected, I usually find planning a difficult task.

So how do you set your goals and how can I set them ?   click for answer

PARENT SURVIVAL TIPS

The behaviorally Challenged child

∙ Avoid comparing your children with each other. Each child is unique in his/her own way.

∙ Identify and understand the unique limits and strengths of each child.

∙ Try to see the humor in things.

∙ Dwell on positives not failures.

∙ Try to start the day off with a positive for your child. Make a list of all the things that make you proud of your child...post it in a prominent place

Advice Giving

∙ Avoid soliciting too much advice from people. You can find yourself overloaded with conflicting information.

∙ Know what you are looking for in others when soliciting advice. Are you looking for support (someone to listen to you) or answers to your problems. If you are looking for support, it could be frustrating for you and that other person when you are trying to ventilate and they are giving you solutions.

Consequences

∙ Role model the \behavior you are expecting from your child. If you do not want him/her to swear, that means curbing your own language.

∙ Instead of saying no all the time, try something different. Switch objects, vary messages (too high, hot, not for baby). This strengthens the No message.

∙ Offer choices. When you do this, then this will happen. Rely on natural consequences. Do not feel the need to always be creative in giving consequences.

∙ Avoid power struggles. Children need to accept that there are going to be consequences they will not like or feel is fair.

∙ Set clear limits with consequences. Let your child know the consequences ahead of time.

∙ Impose consequences as soon as possible.

∙ Limit length of time for time outs. Usually one minute for each year of age.

∙ Avoid rigidity.

∙ Don’t apply consequences that you feel more than the child (grounding him/her and having to stay home and monitor them).

Day to Day

∙ Make things easier for yourselves. Hire a cleaning service. Swap baby sitting. Have your groceries delivered. Have a neighborhood youth mow your lawn or shovel your walk.
∙ Expand your resources. This includes finding baby sitters, and/or joining a mother’s, fathers’s, and/or parent group. Explore your options with your church or synagogue.

∙ Family and friends are a necessity, not a luxury.

∙ Take care of yourself. Their nap time is your nap time. You could also spend time working out at the Health Club. Plan your meals well.

∙ Accept the fact that there are changes you need to adjust to. Your house may not be as clean as it used to be. Dishes may not get done as soon as you would like.

Marriage and Parenthood

∙ Look at parenthood/marriage as a cooperative venture. Apply team work (giving each other breaks).

∙ Look for or create your own windows of opportunity to do things. Accept the fact that now that you have children, free time does not come as easy. You may not be able to go out with the boys/girls on a weekly basis, but if you plan ahead, an evening out once in awhile will help.

∙ Make sure your relationship keeps going strong. Call each other during the day. Leave a message to let your spouse know you are thinking of them. Buy a little gift, leave a note in their lunch box or briefcase.

∙ Wake up ½ hour earlier to greet the day together...quietly.

∙ Avoid having one parent do all the disciplining.

Mark Myers expert answer to: What are the best ways to support and help a significant other who suffers from depression?

Mark Myers expert answer: Feeling sad or blue is a typical human emotion. However individuals that are struggling with depression could find even the simplest of tasks tremendously challenging .It is difficult to see a loved one impacted by this illness.Depression could be devastating not only for the person going through it but for family members as well.   click here for more

Mark Myers Expert Answer to: I Am Addicted to Marijuana and Want to Stop."

From your description, you have two issues you are dealing with, depression and dependency on Marijuana. Both of those issues should be considered. There is a likelihood, they both may be contributing to each other, creating a feedback loop. If you are depressed you could enjoy the escape that comes from the high. The residual effects of the pot use leave you feeling lethargic, unmotivated, and in a "fog", which contribute to feeling depressed. Click here to find out more.

Utilizing Option B... (Anger Management)

          For those of you who viewed the movie, Anger Management with Adam Sandler, you would recall a scene where he got himself arrested on an airplane.  After repeated requests for a pillow from a stewardess, he became irritated. The stewardess was more interested in telling her fellow stewardess about her romantic adventures over the weekend. Sandler became irritated and asserted himself more.  The focus then shifted to him and his vocalizations. Although he was not verbally abusive or rude, the stewardess' were perceiving him to be. With each attempt at explaining himself and that he was not angry, the more defensive the stewardess became.  Eventually this lead to an Air Marshall coming in to intervene. Sandler's success in convincing the Air Marshall was equally unproductive. This ultimately led to him being tazered and arrested.

I use this example to demonstrate a couple ideas for those with anger management issues. First, there are times no matter how well you think you are making your point, you may not be able to convince the other person to see it your way. The other person has their own perspective and interpretations of the conversation and may not budge. This could not only apply to the message you are trying to convey but how that person is seeing you. If you feel in control and calm, but the other person is seeing you as angry, perception is reality. They are going to be reacting to their perceptions about the situation and not your beliefs. The longer the discussion continues the more solidified they could become in their belief.

In a similar vein, when trying to make your  statement, in most cases it should not take you more than a minute to defend your argument.  Even in lopsided disagreements, how many facts could be presented to argue your side? At some time, you will have presented all the information you need to, and the rest is up to the person receiving the information.  A key concept in anger management is understanding when to use option B. If you have not been convincing in your discussion or the other person is reacting to how you are presenting yourself,  decisions need to be made how productive it would be to continue.  Cutting your losses is a viable direction to consider.  In the example with Adam Sandler, if he did a better job in understanding where his disagreement was going, he would have saved himself from significant consequences.

Lost In Arguement

Not all people are going to agree with each other. That is what makes us unique as individuals. Everyone bring’s in their own life experiences and perspectives into relationships.  Disagreeing is part of human nature. How we approach and try to resolve these disagreements is an important in conflict resolution. This holds especially true when addressing sensitive issues that create conflict between people. Unfortunately, not all approaches and interactions in resolving issues is helpful.

One example of this type of communication is getting lost in the argument. This is when one party brings up a point of dispute to another party. The receiving party would bring up an issue that would shift focus onto a different part of that argument , leaving the initial issue unresolved. This issue would be someone related to the topic, but not directed at the specific issue at hand. An example of this would be a wife who expresses concern about her husband's drinking. Instead of directly addressing that topic, his response would be bringing in to the discussion how she nags him and that is why he drinks so much. By diverting attention to that comment and defending herself, the initial concern never gets addressed. The wife is getting lost in the argument.

Another example is a parent who confronts a teenager about his substance abuse.If a parent is against him using and does not want him to use, that is the issue to focus on. Focusing on the medical benefits, how harmless the youth feels it is, and that everyone is doing it, is getting lost in the argument. This parent would be spending time defending her reason and debating other issues rather than the issue itself.  The longer that discussion goes in the other direction, the less likely it will be resolved.

Sometimes getting lost in the argument is intentional and meant to misdirect a discussion. This would be used as a way of avoiding direct discussion about a topic that a person does not want to be discussed. Other times it is a result of poor communication skills. When a party realizes they are getting lost in the argument, the focus should be brought back to the topic at hand. Other issues could be addressed once there is some resolution to the initial dispute.

Self talk and Decision Making

Everyone has their own “self talk” or inner voice. They may not come up as thought bubbles as they do in cartoons, but to some degree we all access them.  This internal dialogue plays an active role in our decision

making.  We evaluate decisions based on past experiences, personal preferences, individual interpretations of events, and motivation at the moment.  Sometimes, our self talk contradicts itself.  For example, if you are on a diet and are offered a chocolate cake for dessert, your self talk may go something like this: “Boy, that cake looks good”, “This will ruin my diet”,  “Well I could burn this off tomorrow by spending extra time on the treadmill”, “if I give in to it this time, I will further put myself off from my goal of losing weight”.

Self talk influences not only how you make your decisions, but how you feel about yourself.  People with low self esteem may access negative thought process that contributes to how they value themselves.  These thoughts could also present themselves as self defeating and negative.  Individuals may convince themselves opportunities won’t turn out right. This prevents them from achieving goals and enforces feeling stuck.  Here are some common patterns of faulty thinking:

1. Overgeneralization: A conclusion is drawn bases on a single or limited experience. If a person does not get a job he/she desired the thought would be “I never get jobs I want so why bother.”
2. Black and White Thinking:  Looking at everything as all or none. “If I do not get an A in the class I will be a failure. “  
3. Should statements:   A person believes the universe SHOULD have predictable outcomes the way he/she sees things.  “Must” and “ought statements are close relatives of should statements. “People should stay in the right lane if they are going under 60 miles an hour.”

This list is not exclusive. There are other examples of faulty thinking that can be referenced.  The problem with this type of thinking is that it’s counterproductive.  It is important to be aware of your own thought process and how it influences your life on a daily basis. If you recognize that thoughts are counterproductive, work at challenging them.  Work at being more aware of how you approach situations and make decisions. Proactively, you can predict situations where negative self talk hampers your decision-making and prepare for them. Avoiding the situation could also be an option. If you are trying to stop drinking, going to a bar with your drinking buddies, may make it harder to stay with your goal. The environment would make it more difficult for the logical voice to prevail. A decision could be made based on a desire rather than what is best overall for you.

Why is it so hard to get rid of anxiety knowing that it is one the reason I can't enjoy life?

Answer by Mark Myers:

Identifying a problem (Anxiety) does not mean it goes away. I credit you for acknowledging your anxiety and wanting to do something about it. Some people struggle with anxiety a long time before coming to terms with their challenge.

My first suggestion is devising a game plan.Understanding more about your anxiety will give you a better idea how to address it. What are the symptoms you experience? What are circumstances that the symptoms present themselves? How do they go away? By creating more awareness to patterns and circumstances of your anxiety, it will be easier to devise a plan to address anxiety. It would help to keep a journal of days events. Even on days you don't experience symptoms this is helpful information to know.

Overall, lifestyle is something to take a look at. Diet, exercise, alcohol intake, employment, and support groups should be evaluated. These areas could have significant impact on anxiety symptoms. Also, recognize thoughts that may contribute to anxiety. Anxiety is a signal from our brain we are reacting to. Often times this signal is a subjective interpretation of events or situations. Even if anxiety is not directly related to our thoughts, your response to anxiety symptoms could influence the intensity of anxiety and duration symptoms last.

Lastly, if symptoms do not go away, consider talking to a professional. This could be a doctor, psychiatrist or therapist.

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mark Myers Expert Answer to: I have a son who had selective mutism from 6-8 years. He is now 16 and has been diagnosed with OCD.

Answer by Mark Myers:

Selective Mutism, as you may well know, is predominately found in children. However, some adults do experience it as well. This disorder is characterized by  a person persistently failing to speak in select settings, which continues for more than 1 month. These individuals do talk to other people, usually family members.

The diagnosis of Selective Mutism, does fall under the anxiety disorder spectrum. This spectrum would also include OCD. In fact, it is not unusual for OCD, or other types of anxiety disorders to coexist with Selective Mutism. It also does put a person at greater risk to develop other anxiety disorders later in life.

Without having met your son, I can speak in general about what may be going on. The obstinance in childhood you were talking about could have been a way for him to cope with uncomfortable or anxiety provoking situations. It would be informative to see when the behavior would present itself. A stressful situations such as exams that are currently going on, intensify symptoms. The behavior could be indicative of OCD and his inability to cope with stress.

I would strongly suggest having your son see a therapist and psychiatrist to address the symptoms. In most cases, both treatment modalities are needed.

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10 Things to do to Manage Anger.

1. Slowdown…. .. When you are angry your body is in heightened state (flight or fight).  Allowing this to build up makes it more difficult to stop anger episodes.  Picture yourself going downhill.  The further downhill you get, the more difficult it will be to stop.
2. Challenge the thoughts that got Challenge the thoughts that got you to the state of anger.  Are they rational?  Can you look at same situation and come up with different conclusions.
3. Distract yourself… the longer you mull over the incident the more likely you are revisiting the situation that got you angry.
4. Take deep, slow breaths.  This allows your body to step back from heightened state.
5. Evaluate your sleep.  Poor sleep could contribute to anger problems.
6. Involve yourself in a physical pursuit.  Martial arts, running, and weight lifting are just a few that may help direct your anger in a more constructive way.
7. Start the day with a daily affirmation.  Committing to going through the day managing your anger could be reinforced with starting on a positive thought.
8. Walk away.  Staying in anger situation could further exasperate your feelings.
9.  Listen to music.  This could have a calming effect and take your mind off situation that is angering you.
10.  Attempt to predict situations in which you get angry in.

Building Happy and Healthy Marital Relationships

There are many special rewards to being in

a rewarding relationship. Studies indicate

the individuals live longer and are more

happy in fulfilling relationships. Having the

friendship, support, and understanding of a

significant other is very important for most

people. Building a good life together is a

continuous and sometimes challenging

process. Couple dissolution could impact on

physical health, mental health, on children,

work, and school. This post covers areas that research has identified as problem signs in a

relationship and steps couples can take to

repair relationships.

Signs of a relationship in trouble

Most relationships face some challenges at different times. When negative interactions are more prevalent than positive ones (research indicates a 5 to 1 positive to negative ratio is important to have), this usually indicates a problem relationship. One problem area relationships experience is criticism. This is where one person attacks the character of the other, usually

with blame. Couples make “you” statements. For example, instead of a specific statement, they make global statement (ie. you always....) Or instead of a statement specific to the situation, they make personal attacks (ie: you did this...).

Defensiveness or making excuses is another problem area. Examples would include, assuming the worst, disagreeing with negative mind reading, cross complaining, and denying responsibility.

Contempt or name calling. Making crude, subtle or hostile jokes, or mockery. Body language also plays a factor as does tone of voice. The goal tends to be elevating oneself at the expense of one’s partner.

Withdrawing or Stonewalling is when one listener withdraws from interaction(ie: one spouse leaves, looking away from talker). Men usually stonewall more then woman. 

Children and Relationships

Having children is often a wonderful and rewarding experience. However, romantic ideals are more difficult to hold onto when children are introduced. Finding a consistent parenting approach and time demands are challenges couples face.Communication skills are also put to the test in these situations.

Differences Between How Men and Women Interact

Men and women usually have different approaches to communications. Men have a tendency to withdraw more when in conflictual situations or when they feel rejected or hurt. Women tend to pursue discussions more in these situations. In the face of perceived danger men are

more likely to have trouble going back to a relaxed state then women.

Fair Fighting

Even the most compatible couples tend to have disagreements. It is not if you disagree or fight but how you do it. Name calling, bringing up past hurts and unresolved issues, physical and verbal intimidation, poor listening, discounting significant other, sarcasm, and trying to

mind read (assuming you know what your partner is saying without clarifying it) are all indications of a couple who does not fight fairly.

Effective Communication\Fighting

All the above problem indicators may happen in some degree in all relationships. We must realize that not all problems have solutions. It is not if we fight but how we fight. 

1. If we disagree, it is important to still feel respected and listened to.

2. Enjoying verbal intimacy... feeling listened to.

3. Using I statements instead of you.

4. Listening without giving advice. These are all important components of good communication. When we are withdrawn we become poor receivers of nonverbal cues that may help us come to

agreements. At this point any type of communication is ineffective.

Quality Time Together

Spending quality time together is helpful. Quality time together must be a priority for the relationship to be satisfying. Developing routines and rituals together and focusing attention on each other are important to marriages.

Compromise

Couples should realize not all problems have solutions. Even the most compatible couples can not agree on all things at all times. When we disagree it is not what you say but how you say it. Your partner should feel listened to and respected.

Relationship Building

Relationships could be compared to bank accounts. If we keep making withdrawals, the account will run out. Don’t dwell on conflicts and pick your spots for disagreements. Deposits, such as humor, appreciation, consideration, fun, and affection, are what keeps relationships going.

* Keeping things in perspective. How important is the issue you are disagreeing over.

* Listen to what your partner is trying to say. One task you can try in an argument is switch sides. * Argue from your partner’s point of view. This will test your listening skills.

* Negativity encourages negativity, being positive is contagious. Nurture fondness and  admiration, let your partner influence you, create shared meaning and show your appreciation for your spouse. In happy marriages negativity is generally seen as fleeting and situational. In

unhappy marriages it is viewed as stable. By focusing on repairing problems or conflicts, being supportive of each other, and expressing appreciation to each other you find the keys to happy relationships.

Why do I get agitated by things outside of my control?

Answer by Mark Myers:

There are several disclosures that you have made that indicate agitation is not the only issue. Insecurity and unhappiness appear to be issues as well. My guess is that this is something that did not suddenly appear. It most likely was a work in progress. Family history, life experiences, relationships, and your physiological make up all got you to wear you are now. Habits, beliefs, and attitudes have probably been developing for awhile.

The positive part to all this is that you recognize this at this stage in your life. The challenge is to begin correcting and changing what got you to this point. The first thing to work on is your initial thoughts that pop up in situations. these are referred to as Cognitive Distortions or Thinking Errors. It seems that you recognize the thoughts that pop up at times are irrational. Thoughts could be challenged and changed. Consider keeping a journal and writing down how you think about situations that come up. This will create more awareness and help you identify and modify Thinking Errors.

People who are unhappy tend to isolate themselves. I would encourage you push yourself to go out more. Even though your tendency may be to stay away from people, allow yourself more social interactions. If time allows, consider volunteering.If you are not exercising, consider doing that.

Understand that it may take awhile for these patterns to change. If you make an effort and do not feel like you are getting anywhere, consider professional help. The professional could help guide and support in making these changes.

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I don't know why but I can't tolerate anyone touching me

Answer by Mark Myers:

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is a disorder that could manifest itself in different ways and to different degrees. There are also disorders that may fall under the same spectrum but present themselves differently. Usually, but not always, OCD is accompanied by avoidant behavior and/or compulsive rituals. These compulsions or rituals usually create some disturbance in life areas.

From the information you provided it is difficult to determine a diagnosis. More information is needed. If this is a relatively new issue, further examination would be warranted. If certain behaviors coexist with this (such as binging with food, purging food, obsession with weight) then we might be looking at an eating disorder. If you are focussing on real or perceived body defects and repeated checking of body parts, then we might be looking at a diagnosis of Body Dysmorphic Disorder,. If these concerns have been around awhile, involve other sensory issues such as sensitivity to touch, taste, and/or sound, we might be looking at Sensory Integration Disorder.

Once more details are obtained, the diagnosis and treatment approach could be pursued. Usually a Cognitive Behavioral Approach and/or medication would be pursued. Depending on the diagnosis and severity of the symptoms, how long these symptoms have been going on, and your motivation, results may take awhile. I would suggest talking to a professional and going further into detail with him/her. From there a treatment direction could be determined.

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4-20 and Cannabis use

Today is April 20th. This day takes on special significance for individuals immersed in Cannabis use . It is used to identify oneself with Cannabis use culture. 420(pronounced four-twenty) is based on the number as well as the event. Although that are different beliefs of it’s origins, the most consistent theory is the term was first used by a group of teenagers in California. Their designated hang out was a wall outside their school. The term was used for the time of day that they would indulge in marijuana use. The term has evolved into a counterculture holiday in North America, where people gather to celebrate and consume cannabis. The term is used also as code to disguise dialogue from those who do not smoke marijuana.

Mark Myers Expert Answer to:What is an appropriate level of disclosure of mental illness with friends and acquaintances?

If you have a mental illness that is nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about. It is not something people seek out, control, or at fault for. However, mental illness is a sensitive issue for some people. Society has come a long way in accepting mental illness but there are still stigmas attached to it. Some caution should be exercised in how you disclose it and to whom. There should be some level of trust.....click for more

Making Life Easier With Your Toddler

Parents could find themselves feeling stressed and challenged when it comes to balancing their responsibilities at home.  Although children are high priorities, household errands need to be done.  We have included some suggestions that may make it easier for you to find a more comfortable balance.

• Evaluate your child’s strength and weakness.  Some children may not do well in certain settings. Except their limitations and try not to force a situation.

• Understand and identify warning signs that your child may be on the brink of a meltdown.  This will allow you the opportunity to adjust accordingly.

• Recognize your own limitations.  If you are feeling stressed out, most likely, you will find it more difficult to address behavior.

• Look for more kid friendly places to frequent.  An example would be a grocery store that has shopping carts for kids, wide isles, secure shelves, and not a lot of glass items.

• Involve your child in as much household chores as possible.  Children want to be a part of your life\activities.  When you do get them involved, break the project up into smaller tasks.

• Routines are important for children.  The sooner you can establish them, the less stressful it will be.

• Give yourself plenty of time.  Sometimes, it can come off like clock work that your child will need to go to the potty when you are ready to leave the house.

• Choose your battles wisely.  Toddlers are going to be experimenting with testing limits.  Patience, over the long haul, is the most productive route.

• Pay attention to what you are saying to yourself when you are stressed.

• Negative self talk is nonproductive and leads to further stress.  Try to put  a positive spin on things.

What is the most distinctive difference between depression and bi-polar? Moreover, how does anxiety play a role in both?

Answer by Mark Myers:

Depression, bi-polar,and anxiety or three different diagnosis's that could all be treated differently. There are varying types of depression but for most part  symptoms include: feeling depressed most of day, decrease of enjoyable pursuits, increase or decrease of appetite, fatigue, difficulties concentrating, feeling worthless, and/or suicidal thought. A person who is depressed does not have to feel all of these to have a diagnosis of depression. The specific type of Depression Diagnosis would depend on how many symptoms the person identifies with and severity of symptoms.
Bi-Polar includes the a fore mentioned depression symptoms as well as Manic symptoms. These would include: elevated or irritable moods, involvement activities that have a high potential for injury or consequences, increase in goal directed activities, distractability, flight of ideas, talkative or feeling pressured to talk, inflated self esteem, and decreased need for sleep. Again, there are varying diagnosis's a person could have with bi-polar, and that as well would depend on severity of symptoms. So, bi-polar you have both the depressive symptoms and the manic symptoms.
Anxiety disorders have different categories that a person could be diagnosed with. These include: restlessness, difficulty concentrating, irritability, sleep disturbance, worrying, muscle tension, and in some cases, panic feelings. It is easy to see how some symptoms could overlap. Some individuals have both anxiety and depression. It may be difficult to decipher if a person is anxious because they have been depressed or the opposite. In addition the diagnosis of bi-polar is a possibility as well. To further complicate things, if a person is going the medication route, at times, by just addressing the depressive symptoms puts that individual at risk for a manic attack.
Determining an accurate diagnosis is not always easy. The person diagnosing is dependent on the reporting of the patient. One evaluator may come up with a different diagnosis than another. The person reporting, may under report their symptoms, or misrepresent them. An accurate diagnosis may take some time to determine. Often times, it is helpful to get family members in to offer input with the evaluation.

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Mark Myers Expert Answer to: What should I do if I cannot stop thinking about the fact that a friend I made recently talks to other people too?

Mark Myers expert answer to: What should I do if I cannot stop thinking about the fact that a friend I made recently talks to other people too? View answer:

What were You Thinking?Understanding Your Teen’s Choices

As parents of teens, understanding their choices becomes a work in progress. Shaping the behaviors we want them to demonstrate by utilizing incentives and consequences takes time and patience. The answer parents are searching for...”What were you thinking?” may not be something the adolescent could answer him or herself. When addressing decision making with adolescents, we need to take into consideration inherent challenges a teen faces in making ‘good choices’.

First, we need to look at the differences in adult and adolescent brains. An adolescent’s brain is different than an adult’s brain.  It is less mature in some crucial areas and overdeveloped in others. In the teenage brain is the amount of synapses a teenager has compared to an adult.  Synapses are pathways in our brains that pass messages from one part to another. What scientists have found is that teenagers experience a wealth of growth in synapses during adolescence.  This is not necessarily a good thing. More wires means less efficiency.  As we get older, we utilize our pathways more effectively. This is called pruning.  Picture the teenage brain like a mass of wires in an inefficient entertainment center. Most of the wires are not necessary.

The pruning process starts from the back of the brain and moves forward. The part of the brain called the prefrontal cortex, is the last to be trimmed. This part of the brain weighs outcomes, forms judgments, and controls impulses, as well as, emotions. This section of the brain also helps people understand one another. It does not fully develop until the mid 20’s.

The amygdala is a part of the brain that scans for danger and sends this information to other parts of the brain.  Activation occurs when there is a real or perceived threat. In adolescence, the amygdala reacts more intensely to stressful situations than adults. Studies indicate that teens also misread emotions more than adults.

Lastly, an area of the teenager's brain that is fairly well-developed early on is the nucleus accumbens, or the area of the brain that seeks pleasure and reward. This explains why teens, for the most part, are more pleasure seeking than adults.

In summary, it is important to realize that there are differences in the physical makeup between adult and adolescent brains. Adolescents may be asked to act like adults, but they they do not have the same type brains as adults. The brains of adolescents are still developing, and they continue to do so into their early to mid-twenties. The brain circuitry is not the only challenge in figuring out teenage decision making.

No matter what your age,  you are in what is referred to as a Life Stage. We have certain emotional tasks at each Life Stage that we need to master to move on to the next emotional stage in life. On their way to adulthood, teens must work through certain developmental challenges specific to their age group. Emotionally, they are preparing and practicing to be adults. They are working toward independence. In thinking and planning for the future, this is where they begin to separate themselves from adults.

For some teens, this process creates challenges and additional stress. Included are additional developmental tasks adolescents face that could influence decision making: peer relations take on new meaning (more emphasis), interest in opposite sex/awareness, separation from parents, search for identity (parents opinions become less influential), and development of a moral compass. These are all life transitions that create stress and affect decision making.

The decision making process that a teen goes through is certainly influenced by all these factors.  Genetic makeup, home and school environment also influence making good decisions. Parents have a tough role. Supporting their children to grow into adults and asserting (including accepting they will experience some bumps along the way), as well as, protecting them from serious consequences. As a parent, it is difficult to see your child make mistakes that you, as an adult, would have advised them against.

Included are some guidelines to help you establish your role in this process.

*  Even though we want our children to make good choices and think through the consequences of their actions, remember this is a long-term process

* Recognize when to step in and make decisions for your child and when to step back and allow them to learn from an experience

* Understand teens have a different value system than adults. Trying to get them to buy into a value at this age might not be as productive as putting your efforts into getting them to comply with a behavior

* Try not to be judgemental about their decisions. If they make a bad choice, it is more helpful for them to see it and recognize what they could have done differently. Create a dialogue with them to help them grow from this.

Practice is the most reliable predictor of whether humans develop necessary cognitive skills. Our brains are wonderfully able to learn and create pathways that allow us to adopt new ways of thinking, feeling, and behaving which is the best reason to reinforce with your teen the choices you want them to make. Rehearsal is essential to creating the neural pathways that support problem-solving and decision making.  And while we still may wonder....”What were you thinking?” our responses can be formed through understanding and conviction that new skills take time and patience.

Janet Myers

Should the whole family go to counseling if one child has anger issues?

Everyone experiences anger at some point. It is human emotion that cannot be eliminated. It is how, where, and when anger is expressed that defines it as a problem or not. The person expressing anger may not see it as a problem either but others around him\her can.
If a child is expressing anger and it impacts on the family and attempts to curb within the family have been exhausted, seeking outside help would be advised. Who participates in therapy is dependent on the circumstances and the motivation of the child who has the Anger Management problem. Sibling and parental reaction to anger as well as involvement prior to the anger episode need to be evaluated.

Parent involvement is essential in therapy. Parents response to anger and consequences attached to anger episodes could help shape behavior and offer motivation and investment into change. Other family members could be brought in to help assist in allowing the child to master Anger Management skills and define their roles in this problem. Sibling participation would be helpful if: there is a need to repair damaged relationships, siblings could assist the child in helping manage the problem, they may be directly or indirectly escalating the problem, and there is a need for further understanding of the nature of anger.

The main focus of therapy should be on the anger issue. Family counseling (with siblings) could be counterproductive if the focus shifts away from the anger problem. Also, the child experiencing anger should have some rapport with their sibling. If this relationship is strained to the degree the child is reluctant to open up, it may be more productive to hold off on family counseling (with sibling) until the anger could be stabilized.

Get a Better Sleep: 10 Most Common Sleep Myths

How much sleep do humans really need? Is there a way to make up for lost sleep? Is snoring bad for you? We all have questions about that elusive mystery we call sleep. We’ll cover the most popular assumptions about sleep and what the research actually shows.

#1: People need less sleep as they age.

Myth

While it's true that infants need and usually get at least 10 to 12 hours of sleep a day, the elderly rarely seem to sleep that much. The aged do have the same sleep requirements they had as adults, yet many find it difficult to sleep for long periods of time. The elderly are likely to make up for some of this lost night-time sleep with naps throughout the day.

It may be dangerous to assume that the elderly need less sleep because treatable sleep disorders may not be diagnosed. Better sleep leads to better health no matter what a person’s age.

#2: Some People Do Well on Very Little Sleep

Yes and No

Most people who claim they need only a few hours of sleep may not be in touch with how their sleeping habits affect them in waking life. There are very few people who can get less than 4 hours of sleep and function during the day. People who tend to get six hours or less are called “short sleepers.”

Sleep lab trials on those who claim to sleep very little but function well, show their brains are shut down but they may not be aware that they are asleep. If someone is functioning well and says they only sleep one or two hours, they are probably sleeping more than that but are unaware of it.

Overwhelming evidence shows that those who are functioning “normally” on only a few hours of sleep would still benefit in a variety of factors if they got more sleep.

What happens is that people who routinely get that little sleep begin to experience problems down the line. Sleep deprivation can impair glucose tolerance, leading to diabetes. Short sleep has also been associated with hypertension, obesity, and stroke.

#3: Everyone Needs 8 Hours of Sleep a Night

Myth

The amount of sleep a person needs is highly individual. One person may need 7 hours of sleep and another person may need 10.

A common way to determine how much sleep you need is to see how much you sleep on vacation or when you don’t have to get up for anything. The problem with this experiment is that most people, when allowed to wake naturally, are actually sleeping more than they need on average to make up sleep.

Trial and error can help you discover the best bedtime and wake time for yourself.

#4: Naps Can Help You Catch Up On Your Sleep

True

While there is no substitute for a good night’s sleep, naps provide a solution to daytime sleepiness if taken properly.

To help one feel refreshed without interfering with the sleep cycle, power naps of 15 to 20 minutes between 1pm and 3pm will help a sleepy person feel more refreshed.

Naps that exceed 45 minutes can have the opposite effect, allowing one to get into a very deep sleep, awakening groggy and confused.

Napping too late in the day can lead to insomnia that night and the start of a vicious cycle of sleep disruption.

#5: If You Are Deprived Of Sleep During the Week You Can Catch Up By Sleeping Late On Weekends.

Fact

The weekends can be used to catch up on lost sleep. The catching up, however, needs to be done the right way so as not to disrupt the sleep cycle.

One of the cornerstones of good sleep is a regular pattern.

If one develops a pattern of sleeping in a couple hours more on the weekend to catch up on sleep, it can be beneficial, assuming one isn’t too far behind on sleep already. One should plan to go to bed at the same time and wake up a little later for this plan to work.

#6: Exercise Before Bed Helps You Sleep

Yes and No

This is an individual matter as well. Exercise in general helps people sleep better, and is generally beneficial for sleep. However, the time of day one exercises is important.

Exercise naturally increases body temperature and keeps it elevated for several hours after. The problem is that the body sends the signal that it's time to sleep by slightly lowering body temperature. It is difficult to get body temperature low enough to signal sleep right after exercise.

Exercise in the morning, getting plenty of light, tends to help most people sleep better. There are some insomniacs, however, that swear by vigorous exercise before attempting sleep.

This is an individual matter that trial and error can help solve.

#7: Sex Before Bed Will Keep You Awake

Unclear

There are limited studies that address this issue, and again, it may be an individual thing. Some people respond to sex before bed as a good tension release, others as if they had been out jogging. Women are especially prone to have more difficulty falling asleep after sex than men and there are obvious biological differences working here. Individual timing is of importance.

#8: Eating A Big Meal Before Bed Will Cause Nightmares

Myth

While no foods have ever been linked with bad dreams, ingesting a large meal before bed is not a good idea. Blood that would flow to the brain during sleep is diverted by a large meal to the intestines. Since the brain is highly active during sleep, it makes sense to give it all the blood flow it can get at this time.

#9: If You Wake Up In The Middle Of The Night, A Glass of Warm Milk Can Help You Get Back to Sleep

Maybe

Warm milk and turkey are popular natural remedies for sleep because they both contain the amino acid tryptophan, a potentially sleep- inducing chemical.

Even in pill form, however, tryptophan may not be as sleep inducing as Benadryl, a common over- the- counter antihistamine used as a sleep aid.

What researchers do know is that alcohol, smoking, and caffeine all have disruptive effects on sleep patterns.

10: Nightmares Can Kill You By Causing a Heart Attack

Myth based on Fact

Some people have a genetic heart condition called Brugada syndrome that can result in a heart attack during REM sleep.

REM sleep occurs when people dream and their brain is highly active and the heart is less stable. Some people with severe cardiac disease are more at risk during highly active REM sleep than they would be if awake. It’s not the dream itself that causes the attack, it’s the highly active nature of REM sleep.

Sleep apnea is related to REM heart attack so it's important to get apnea treated as soon as possible.

One of the biggest myths is that sleep is a benign restful state, with very little happening. We now know a lot more is going on than meets the eye.
If you are having trouble sleeping, keep the truths you've learned here in mind. You should be on your way to a better night's sleep soon!

By Rodney Allen Cole