Parents in action: Deciding if your relationship is ready for a child

 It can also put an incredible strain on one that's not ready for the challenges that come with raising a child. You have to ask yourself: how will a baby affect your finances, your spare time and your future goals?The decision to have a baby is a huge one for couples---it can make a strong relationship even
better.  click for more

PARENT SURVIVAL TIPS

The behaviorally Challenged child

∙ Avoid comparing your children with each other. Each child is unique in his/her own way.

∙ Identify and understand the unique limits and strengths of each child.

∙ Try to see the humor in things.

∙ Dwell on positives not failures.

∙ Try to start the day off with a positive for your child. Make a list of all the things that make you proud of your child...post it in a prominent place

Advice Giving

∙ Avoid soliciting too much advice from people. You can find yourself overloaded with conflicting information.

∙ Know what you are looking for in others when soliciting advice. Are you looking for support (someone to listen to you) or answers to your problems. If you are looking for support, it could be frustrating for you and that other person when you are trying to ventilate and they are giving you solutions.

Consequences

∙ Role model the \behavior you are expecting from your child. If you do not want him/her to swear, that means curbing your own language.

∙ Instead of saying no all the time, try something different. Switch objects, vary messages (too high, hot, not for baby). This strengthens the No message.

∙ Offer choices. When you do this, then this will happen. Rely on natural consequences. Do not feel the need to always be creative in giving consequences.

∙ Avoid power struggles. Children need to accept that there are going to be consequences they will not like or feel is fair.

∙ Set clear limits with consequences. Let your child know the consequences ahead of time.

∙ Impose consequences as soon as possible.

∙ Limit length of time for time outs. Usually one minute for each year of age.

∙ Avoid rigidity.

∙ Don’t apply consequences that you feel more than the child (grounding him/her and having to stay home and monitor them).

Day to Day

∙ Make things easier for yourselves. Hire a cleaning service. Swap baby sitting. Have your groceries delivered. Have a neighborhood youth mow your lawn or shovel your walk.
∙ Expand your resources. This includes finding baby sitters, and/or joining a mother’s, fathers’s, and/or parent group. Explore your options with your church or synagogue.

∙ Family and friends are a necessity, not a luxury.

∙ Take care of yourself. Their nap time is your nap time. You could also spend time working out at the Health Club. Plan your meals well.

∙ Accept the fact that there are changes you need to adjust to. Your house may not be as clean as it used to be. Dishes may not get done as soon as you would like.

Marriage and Parenthood

∙ Look at parenthood/marriage as a cooperative venture. Apply team work (giving each other breaks).

∙ Look for or create your own windows of opportunity to do things. Accept the fact that now that you have children, free time does not come as easy. You may not be able to go out with the boys/girls on a weekly basis, but if you plan ahead, an evening out once in awhile will help.

∙ Make sure your relationship keeps going strong. Call each other during the day. Leave a message to let your spouse know you are thinking of them. Buy a little gift, leave a note in their lunch box or briefcase.

∙ Wake up ½ hour earlier to greet the day together...quietly.

∙ Avoid having one parent do all the disciplining.

Top Ten Warning Signs of Drug Problems in Teenagers

Ten warning signs include:

1. Drop in grades

2. Change in friends

3. Isolating more

4. Paraphernalia found

5. Stopping or decrease in activities

6 More emotional outbursts

7. Change in appearance or hygiene

8. More secretive/avoidant behaviors

9. Change in sleep patterns

10. More defiant

If you see these behaviors, it does not mean your child is using drugs. They are just warning signs and also be more reflective of other issues he or she is going through.

Check out the National Institute for Drug Abuse

Sibling Rivalry

● Making sure you treat each child fairly and consistently
● Be proactive: determine times and places these rivalries play out and plan for it.
● Be consistent with nap times and snacks
● Set times up parent times for each child if possible.
● Pay attention to conflicts and make sure children are heard.  Being heard does not mean agreeing but acknowledging their point of view.
● Present it as a family goal to get along better with one another better. If consequences and incentives are laid out, children may be more invested in changing their behavior.
● Set clear ground rules and consistently follow through with consequences..
If the family is going through stress, talk about it and normalize it. Offer your children ● an opportunity to express themselves.
● Monitor your own response to conflict and how kids may learn from this.

There are very few parents who have not experienced some sort of sibling rivalry amongst their children.  In fact, developmentally, it is normal. Children learn problem solving, compromise, and sharing by working out differences with one another.  However, for some families, rivalries could become problematic and even dangerous. Factors that may impact the intensity, frequency, and duration of these arguments include: individual personalities, age of children, parental role and role modeling, family stress, constructive/productive free time, and family dynamics.

Children are more likely to get themselves in trouble when they are bored or hungry. Since most children may not be able to express themselves, or at certain ages have good insight into their own self awareness, they may act out on their feelings.  Certain children may not have the disposition to watch or be watched by an older sibling in general, or a sibling in particular. Their personalities just may not click, especially if there is an age difference. Older teens are more interested in being with peers and as a rule spend less time with family. Children may also put or be put in a position of authority, without the ability to carry through consequences as a parent would.
   
If there is a special needs child, a sibling may be ill equipped to handle disciplinary issues. Also, parents who resolve their own differences through yelling or screaming, are teaching their children to work through their problems the same way. Family stressors such as divorce, relocation, and illness will also impact sibling relationships. Children may act out on their stress rather than verbalizing or trying to work through these issues. If parents are experiencing stress, this may take away their time and ability to address issues as well with their children.  Oftentimes, rivalries are intensified by competition for parental attention.

A parents role is to help children learn the skills to work through these issues. Important problem solving skills could be developed by encouraging children to compromise or negotiate agreements with one another. Not all issues between siblings can be resolved at any given moment. Children who have had much discord at earlier ages, become good friends later in life. Parents can help their families through this time by: