PARENT SURVIVAL TIPS

The behaviorally Challenged child

∙ Avoid comparing your children with each other. Each child is unique in his/her own way.

∙ Identify and understand the unique limits and strengths of each child.

∙ Try to see the humor in things.

∙ Dwell on positives not failures.

∙ Try to start the day off with a positive for your child. Make a list of all the things that make you proud of your child...post it in a prominent place

Advice Giving

∙ Avoid soliciting too much advice from people. You can find yourself overloaded with conflicting information.

∙ Know what you are looking for in others when soliciting advice. Are you looking for support (someone to listen to you) or answers to your problems. If you are looking for support, it could be frustrating for you and that other person when you are trying to ventilate and they are giving you solutions.

Consequences

∙ Role model the \behavior you are expecting from your child. If you do not want him/her to swear, that means curbing your own language.

∙ Instead of saying no all the time, try something different. Switch objects, vary messages (too high, hot, not for baby). This strengthens the No message.

∙ Offer choices. When you do this, then this will happen. Rely on natural consequences. Do not feel the need to always be creative in giving consequences.

∙ Avoid power struggles. Children need to accept that there are going to be consequences they will not like or feel is fair.

∙ Set clear limits with consequences. Let your child know the consequences ahead of time.

∙ Impose consequences as soon as possible.

∙ Limit length of time for time outs. Usually one minute for each year of age.

∙ Avoid rigidity.

∙ Don’t apply consequences that you feel more than the child (grounding him/her and having to stay home and monitor them).

Day to Day

∙ Make things easier for yourselves. Hire a cleaning service. Swap baby sitting. Have your groceries delivered. Have a neighborhood youth mow your lawn or shovel your walk.
∙ Expand your resources. This includes finding baby sitters, and/or joining a mother’s, fathers’s, and/or parent group. Explore your options with your church or synagogue.

∙ Family and friends are a necessity, not a luxury.

∙ Take care of yourself. Their nap time is your nap time. You could also spend time working out at the Health Club. Plan your meals well.

∙ Accept the fact that there are changes you need to adjust to. Your house may not be as clean as it used to be. Dishes may not get done as soon as you would like.

Marriage and Parenthood

∙ Look at parenthood/marriage as a cooperative venture. Apply team work (giving each other breaks).

∙ Look for or create your own windows of opportunity to do things. Accept the fact that now that you have children, free time does not come as easy. You may not be able to go out with the boys/girls on a weekly basis, but if you plan ahead, an evening out once in awhile will help.

∙ Make sure your relationship keeps going strong. Call each other during the day. Leave a message to let your spouse know you are thinking of them. Buy a little gift, leave a note in their lunch box or briefcase.

∙ Wake up ½ hour earlier to greet the day together...quietly.

∙ Avoid having one parent do all the disciplining.

Teaching Your Impulsive Child Self Control

1. Catch your child exerting self-control and reward him or her with positives “Great job!” “You rock!” “I really like the way you...” “You should be proud of yourself for the way you...” Make behaving appropriately a positive experience...one that your child will want to repeat. 2. Anticipate trouble zones. Are there predictable times when you know your child generally has trouble controlling his or her impulses? Time the time to prepare your child for these situations. Explain what will happen, who will be there, and specifically the behavior you want to see (ie. We’re going to Grandma’s for a party and all of your aunts, uncles, and cousins will be there. I know you get excited to see them, but you need to stay calm, talk politely, and play nicely with your cousins. Please do not run in the house or be rough with your cousins. If you can do this, we can stop for a special treat on the way home.) 3. Develop Routines. The impulsive child needs structure to function well. Providing a predictable routine at home, as much as possible provides the needed predictability 4. Give warning when you are getting close to a transition. Give warnings when you are getting close to a transition. Allow a ten minute warning warning and give reminders as you get close to a transition time.

Concerns about Stigma Undermine ADHD Treatment for Adolescents

Concerns about Stigma Undermine ADHD Treatment for Adolescents

Because ADHD frequently persists into adolescence, and continues to undermine teens' academic and social functioning, most adolescents continue to need treatment. However, as issues of self-direction and autonomy become more important for teens, resistance to treatment for ADHD - medication or otherwise - frequently intensifies and many adolescents stop treatment prematurely. This is a challenge that many parents struggle with.

It is thus important to understand the factors - particularly adolescents' perspectives on treatment - that affect the receipt of ADHD treatment during this critical developmental period. Examining this issue was the focus of a study published recently in the Journal of Adolescent Health [Bussing et al (2011). Receiving treatment for Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder: Do the perspectives of adolescents matter. Journal of Adolescent Health, 49, 7-14.]

Participants were 168 adolescents - about 50% female - and their parents recruited through a public school system in the US. These adolescents screened positive for ADHD in elementary school and were contacted 6 years later for a follow-up assessment. At follow-up, over 60% continued to meet full diagnostic criteria for ADHD and many others still had elevated levels of ADHD symptoms. The researchers were interested in how many adolescents had received ADHD treatment in the past year and the parent and child characteristics that predicted the receipt of treatment.

- Parent Perspectives -

Clinical need - Parents rated their teen on symptoms of ADHD, disruptive behavior, emotional distress and overall impairment. High levels of symptoms reflected high clinical need for treatment.

Treatment receptivity - Parents rated how receptive they were towards obtaining medication treatment or counseling for their child.

Caregiver strain - Parents rated the effect of caring for a child with emotional or behavioral problems, such as demands on time, financial strain, worry, guilt, and embarrassment. High scores reflect high levels of strain associated with caring for their child.

- Adolescent Perspectives -

Clinical need - Teens their symptoms of ADHD, disruptive behavior, emotional distress and overall impairment. High levels of symptoms reflected high clinical need for treatment.

Treatment receptivity - Teens rated how receptive they were towards obtaining medication treatment or counseling.

ADHD Stigma - This measure assessed teens' perception that being diagnosed and treated for ADHD would be stigmatizing.

Receipt of mental health services

Lifetime and past-year receipt of mental health services for each adolescent was gathered through detailed interviews with parents. This interview inquired about the receipt of services in a wide range of settings and asked about counseling services and medication treatment.

- Results -

Lifetime and past year mental health service usage

Although most adolescents, i.e, 79%, had received mental health intervention at some point in their lives, only 42% received any services in the past year. This was true even though most continued to meet full diagnostic criteria for ADHD and/or continued to struggle with symptoms.

Agreement between parent and teen perspectives

Parent and teen reports of the teen's emotional distress showed moderate agreement. However, agreement on symptoms of inattention, hyperactivity, and disruptive behavior was poor. Agreement on receptivity to treatment for ADHD was also poor.

Predictors of prior year use of mental health services

The researchers were especially interested in what predicted adolescents' receipt of mental health services during the past year. Interestingly, neither socioeconomic status or insurance coverage were significant predictors. Neither were parent ratings of their child's hyperactive and disruptive behavior.

Instead, teens who had received services were rated by parents as more inattentive, more depressed, and more impaired in their daily functioning. Treatment was also more likely when parents were more receptive to medication treatment.

What about adolescents' perspectives?

Even after taking these parental factors into account, adolescents' perspectives emerged as significant predictors of treatment receipt. Adolescents who rated themselves as more impaired and who had more positive attitudes towards medication were more likely to have been treated. The most powerful predictor, however, was concerns that ADHD was stigmatizing. Adolescents who were worried about being stigmatized for ADHD were far less likely to have received treatment in the past year than other teens.

- Summary and implications -

Results from this study indicate that many adolescents struggling with ADHD have not received any mental health services in the prior year. Especially noteworthy was that even after accounting for parents' perceptions of their child's functioning and their receptivity to medication treatment, adolescents' own attitudes were important predictors of receiving treatment.

Teens who felt they were not functioning well in their daily lives were more likely to have been treated. And, adolescents with concerns about ADHD stigma were far less likely to have received treatment during the prior year. In fact, this was the strongest predictor of all.

These findings highlight the importance of eliciting adolescents' perceptions of the need for ADHD treatment, and concerns related to treatment, during evaluation and treatment planning. In particular, health professionals should discuss concerns teens may have about being stigmatized for ADHD as these concerns can substantially undermine an adolescent's willingness to initiate or continue with indicated treatment.

These results also suggest that when a teenager refuses treatment, or protests continuing, parents should recognize that there may be more involved than their child's being oppositional, not recognizing the reality of what they require, or exercising their desire for autonomy and self-determination. While these factors may certainly be involved, an adolescent's worries about being stigmatized can be especially important and need to be understood and addressed. There is a need to develop effective interventions for addressing such concerns.

Co-Sleeping: Parenting Tips to Help Get Your Children Out of Your Bed and Into Their Own

Parents' joy in their children can sometimes turn to frustration when those children refuse to

sleep in their own beds.

There's even a name for the behavior. Experts call it co-sleeping -- when children prefer to sleep in their parents' bed.

Some parents are too embarrassed to admit their children sleep in their beds with them.
While some find nothing wrong with it, the practice has its critics. They say bed sharing can have a negative impact on a child's growth.

"There really are skills that a child needs to be able to learn from sleeping on their own, to self-sooth, to calm themselves, to clear their head," John Carosso, a child psychologist, told "Good Morning America."

In past coverage of the issue of co-sleeping, "GMA" gathered some experts' tips to help get your children out of your beds and into their own:

Tips to End Co-Sleeping

Have a goldfish or small pet in the room to keep children company.
Have a "mommy" or "daddy" teddy bear to snuggle with.

Spend time with children before bed. This is a good time to read to them. You can even have a "sleep party" with mom and dad in the child's bed before they go to sleep.

At the start, use special gifts from the "sleep fairy," like the tooth fairy. If they sleep in their own bed, they get a little morning present.

More Tips From Around the Web

Be tough. According to Parenting.com, after the decision is made, parents need to quit co-sleeping cold turkey. Take midnight visitors back to bed, even if they fight the journey. If there's crying, tough it out.

When it comes to nightmares, treat their irrational fears like tangible ones, says parenting expert Elizabeth Pantley. "After all, most kids believe that the tooth fairy and Big Bird are real, too," Pantley says on her Web site, Pantley.com.

Click HERE to read Pantley's answers to common co-sleeping questions.

Babycenter.com says it's OK to address the child's fears. If they're afraid of the dark, maybe use a nightlight. Monsters under the bed? Give it a check the first few times. "A spray-bottle filled with extra-strength monster-deterrent (a.k.a. water) can also provide late-night comfort," the website says.

Supernanny.com says parents shouldn't forget to praise their children's success when they do sleep alone.

Parents in action: Deciding if your relationship is ready for a child

 It can also put an incredible strain on one that's not ready for the challenges that come with raising a child. You have to ask yourself: how will a baby affect your finances, your spare time and your future goals?The decision to have a baby is a huge one for couples---it can make a strong relationship even
better.  click for more

PARENT SURVIVAL TIPS

The behaviorally Challenged child

∙ Avoid comparing your children with each other. Each child is unique in his/her own way.

∙ Identify and understand the unique limits and strengths of each child.

∙ Try to see the humor in things.

∙ Dwell on positives not failures.

∙ Try to start the day off with a positive for your child. Make a list of all the things that make you proud of your child...post it in a prominent place

Advice Giving

∙ Avoid soliciting too much advice from people. You can find yourself overloaded with conflicting information.

∙ Know what you are looking for in others when soliciting advice. Are you looking for support (someone to listen to you) or answers to your problems. If you are looking for support, it could be frustrating for you and that other person when you are trying to ventilate and they are giving you solutions.

Consequences

∙ Role model the \behavior you are expecting from your child. If you do not want him/her to swear, that means curbing your own language.

∙ Instead of saying no all the time, try something different. Switch objects, vary messages (too high, hot, not for baby). This strengthens the No message.

∙ Offer choices. When you do this, then this will happen. Rely on natural consequences. Do not feel the need to always be creative in giving consequences.

∙ Avoid power struggles. Children need to accept that there are going to be consequences they will not like or feel is fair.

∙ Set clear limits with consequences. Let your child know the consequences ahead of time.

∙ Impose consequences as soon as possible.

∙ Limit length of time for time outs. Usually one minute for each year of age.

∙ Avoid rigidity.

∙ Don’t apply consequences that you feel more than the child (grounding him/her and having to stay home and monitor them).

Day to Day

∙ Make things easier for yourselves. Hire a cleaning service. Swap baby sitting. Have your groceries delivered. Have a neighborhood youth mow your lawn or shovel your walk.
∙ Expand your resources. This includes finding baby sitters, and/or joining a mother’s, fathers’s, and/or parent group. Explore your options with your church or synagogue.

∙ Family and friends are a necessity, not a luxury.

∙ Take care of yourself. Their nap time is your nap time. You could also spend time working out at the Health Club. Plan your meals well.

∙ Accept the fact that there are changes you need to adjust to. Your house may not be as clean as it used to be. Dishes may not get done as soon as you would like.

Marriage and Parenthood

∙ Look at parenthood/marriage as a cooperative venture. Apply team work (giving each other breaks).

∙ Look for or create your own windows of opportunity to do things. Accept the fact that now that you have children, free time does not come as easy. You may not be able to go out with the boys/girls on a weekly basis, but if you plan ahead, an evening out once in awhile will help.

∙ Make sure your relationship keeps going strong. Call each other during the day. Leave a message to let your spouse know you are thinking of them. Buy a little gift, leave a note in their lunch box or briefcase.

∙ Wake up ½ hour earlier to greet the day together...quietly.

∙ Avoid having one parent do all the disciplining.

Top Ten Expectations for Parents when Raising Children with Autism

1. Expect a lot of advice and suggestions from friends and family.  Understand some of this advice may not be productive, realistic, or made with a true understanding of the nature of the problem.

2. Expect that your child may have social challenges. He or she may not fit in with peer group.

3. Expect you may need to advocate for your child in some settings.The setting could be school or community

4. Expect that your child may place additional demands on your family system.

5. Expect that your certain tasks may not come easy for your child. He or she may need tasks broken down.

6. Expect your child may have trouble with transitioning from one place to another.

7. Expect that you may need to be proactive in addressing issues or challenges your child faces.

8. Expect you need to educate yourself more about your child’s diagnosis.

9. Expect you and your partner need to be on the same page regarding parenting issues. 

10. Expect that your child will bring great joy  to you regardless of these challenges.

      National Autism Association 

    

Ten Safety Tips for Facebook Parents

While Facebook is the social media that keeps family and friends connected, there are many dangers that parents should be aware of. Now that summer vacation has arrive, children and teenagers are spending more time on the Internet. Facebook being the leading social network, has reeled in more children under the age of 18. When signing up for Facebook, the site's registrations includes "Birthday," which includes a statement that those under 18 will have content filtered and specific settings. But a user can be at least 13 years old to register. Allowing anyone to manually enter in their birthday, it can be easy for anyone to fill out false information. But just because this is asked there is no way of truly knowing the age of the child, therefore it is imperative parents learn how to become involved. In the beginning of Facebook's takeoff is was a social networking site solely for college students with a valid .edu email, now anyone can sign up therefore there are restrictions and dangers that all parents should know about Facebook.


First a few statistics:

1. Talk to your child about Facebook Safety. Below is a starting point for research with a list of resources. Make sure that you always have a personal Facebook profile.

2. Create a Facebook Group: You can set join permissions on groups so that they are either open to anyone, closed (where users must get administrator approval to join) or secret (invite only). Groups have administrators that manage the group, approve applicants or invite others to join. Administrators can also appoint “officers” who are nominally in charge – however, being an officer doesn’t mean the person has the ability to administer the group. You can invite people that you are familiar with: Family and children's friends, family friends and organizations of interest. Your child will have to create a Facebook profile to gain access into the group, unless you allow them to become the administrator. Safety rules and privacy settings for creating your child's Facebook profile are provided below.

2. Create a personal profile for your child and gain full access of email and password. Make sure you have access to view the email content which is being used for Facebook as well. This does not mean you have to view their profile every day, but at least twice a week. View complete Facebook privacy settings.  Privacy Settings for Facebook.

3. Create a Family Facebook Profile. If there is a family Family Facebook, each individual has access to the profile. You can monitor friend requests and current friends to ensure that you have accepted them to view your family's profile. You can set this up under your personal account and change the profile name in settings. 

4. Keep in contact with teachers and school officials. Make sure that there are not any problems going on between students and check that friends list, make sure you know every parent of that Facebook friend and that there are not issues between your child and one of the children labeled as a "friend."

5. Make sure that the child is monitored closely when using the Internet and Facebook. If your child is a minor, you are responsibly for everything that your child does on Facebook and the Internet. You have to remember that the Internet never forgets. Everything that is posted can spread like wildfire. Parents should view safety prevention tips for Facebook.

6. Utilize Facebook as the leading resource for tutorials, FAQs, forum and Safety Center for privacy settings. Through your adult profile, view Facebook's Family Safety Center. Where you can learn about your family's safety and get updates when you "like" the Page. This is the number one resource to go to.

7. Become familiar with news and updates about Facebook. Here is also FAQs about Family Facebook Safety from Facebook. Here is an article and video from CBS New York entitled, Facebook Unveils Family Safety Center To Fight Bullying, Privacy Concerns.

8. Join a parent network on and off of Facebook, to ask questions and gain suggestions from other parents. 

9. For your child's personal profile, never accept any new friend requests from people you do not know, do not include birthday information and location information.

10. Do not allow your child to post any personal pictures. An avatar for Facebook is a safe way to go. Whether it be a character, symbol or saying it is a safer way to use Facebook.

Facebook can be used in a safer way to keep in contact with family and friends, but you as a parent are the only one who can create that safe Facebook environment.


Resources:
Facebook Family Safety Center
Surfing the Net with Kids
Free Trial Facebook Safety Alarm from ZoneAlarm
View other up and coming social networks. Stay Updated by SafeKids
Parenting Quiz about Online Safety 
Free ebooks on Facebook Safety

Helping Your Child Become a Responsible Citizen

From The Department of Education "No Child Left Behind"

All parents want their children to grow up to be good people and responsible citizens. Just as children must be taught to tie their shoes, read and write, and solve math problems, so too must they be guided to develop qualities of character that are valued by their families and the communities in which they live. 

The benefits of encouraging children's positive character development are enormous. Research has shown that children who grow up with strong, positive values are happier and perform better in school. They also are better able to balance their personal wants and needs against those of others and make positive contributions to society.

The No Child Left Behind Act is the national effort to improve education, recognized that building character and learning values are important components of a child's complete education. The following information is from Helping Your Child a series of publications for parents and families provided by the Department of Education.

Research indications that children take values seriously only when they see that the adults they respect act in accordance with those values. Although parents must be the ones to determine which values they want their children to develop, they need the help of the community, particularly the school, in reinforcing those values.

An Activity To Do With Your Child

Being a good person of good character often requires having patience and sticking to something.

What to Do:

1. Let your child see you practice patience when doing a new or difficult task or when facing life's everyday frustrations, such as heavy traffic.

2. Use a timer as you and your child work at a difficult task. For young children, start with a small increment of tine and build from there. This activity will build perseverance. 

3. Help your children learn how to set priorities. For example, your child can be taught to complete homework before watching television, or to finish chores before playing with friends.  

4. Make a game out of doing hard tasks. How many pieces of spilled popcorn can you and your child pickup? Who can break the record for washing the most windows (and washing them well of course)?

Working with Teachers and Schools

Here are some suggestions for ways that you can work with your child's teachers ad other school officials to make sure that everyone understands the basic values that you want your child to learn and put into practice.

1. Visit with your child's teachers early in the school year and discuss what type of person you want your child to become and what values are important to you.

2. If the school has a character education program, ask for a description of the curriculum and talk with other teachers on how you can emphasize the lessons at home. If the school does not have a character education program work with the school and the community to begin one.

3. Be alert and for and communicate with teachers when the school is giving your children conflicting messages about values. For example, some teachers may expect that a child come prepared to every class with all the materials needed for that day's work and others may allow the child to borrow from others and sit next to each other or sit in class without materials.

4. Work with other parents to help your child's school establish high standards for behavior during school and at event such as ball games and concerts. Help create a list of volunteers for supervising school activities or chaperoning field trips.